Animal Money by Michael Cisco

Author:Michael Cisco
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3
Publisher: Lazy Fascist Press
Published: 2016-03-10T05:00:00+00:00

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The words came out of me, in the cafe, and they burst out elsewhere too, under a special pressure. There is a kind of guidance—or no, energy, just pressure, or urging, that demands an articulation take place even if there is no prior clarity to express. The words cannot be prevented from rushing together. This is what is meant by censorship in that special sense—not oversight by an authority with something to hide, or a mind-control-for-its-own-sake agenda—this censoring involves holding the words back, or no, you let them surge together like that. The censoring takes place only after there is something to censor; the censoring involves excluding certain possible connections so that the words keep unfolding in the right direction and without getting tangled up and stopping. So, do we do the censoring? I don’t know who censors, but the censorship is necessary for travel, to keep the words rolling along.

We did it ourselves, that was our side of the transaction, by introducing Assiyeh. She’s a kind of gradient. I attracted her to me, I guess, because, while I was attracted to her, and while such ideas elicit an inversion-reaction to block me, at the same time, I was always insisting on her not being real, so perhaps this was included as a factor in the inversion-reaction. I wish I could—no, I don’t wish I could tell, how much my thoughts influence matters, and where that necessary contact is.

Imagine a sheet of flame spilling out in all directions, in the darkness and not really shedding any light, creeping like a puddle of flaming alcohol, low, through space. That is the way to visualize the fact that my thoughts influence events. You would think, with all the well-wishing and ill-wishing I’ve done, that the effects would be more obvious, but the routes are devious and there is a lot of interference and misunderstanding.

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